Christian Fatherhood and the Loss of a Child

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34: 18 NIV

By Jack Sharpe, Esq.

PPL Board Vice President

Lamentably, miscarriage is rarely addressed or mentioned in the church. Because it is silent and often happens out of sight, perhaps. In my experience, I have no recollection of ever discussing it with a Christian brother, but it affects many families who suffer in silence. Mine was one, although my wife was supported because she lost our child the week before a marriage retreat, and we decided

to go.

The tragic loss of a child, even relatively early in a pregnancy, is a painful event. In our situation we were in our early 40s and not contemplating that we would have another child. Our current children were in their early teens. It took some amount of time before my wife figured it out and got tested. What joy we experienced! We laughed, sometimes until our bellies hurt, and our faces were wet with tears of joy. We experienced the joy of expectancy and instantly began to anticipate the hopes and dreams for our newborn. 

Within a relatively short time, however, my wife began to “spot” and sense an unease. The doctor could not ascertain anything but sent us for our second ultrasound. The baby was there but was not moving normally. I still have that picture. We were sent home to wait. We were numb and tried to keep hope alive. 

On a March evening, when I came home from assisting with leading youth group, my wife gave me the news that our child was gone. It was painful as the hopes and dreams died, too. The numbness intensified, but we fell back into our lives. God sustained us through the loving testimonies of church friends who we learned had been through it. One friend had lost seven children at various times, including a stillborn.

Attending a PCUSA General Assembly as observers, we were comforted by a ministry called “Quickenings” that ministered to people who suffered loss such as ours. And God used it to change my heart, as I became emotionally and spiritually pro-life, instead of merely intellectually pro-life. If the loss had been this bad for something over which we had no control, how much worse would be the taking of that life intentionally? 

“As for you, you meant evil against me, 

but God meant it for good,

to bring it about that many people should be kept alive,

as they are today.  

So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” 

(Joseph to his remorseful brothers in Gen. 50:20)

The loss of our preborn child changed me. I have served now 27 years on the PPL board - what was previously named Presbyterians Pro-Life. God knows what the loss of a child is like, for he surrendered his only begotten son. He can use even the loss of a child to make us conform to the likeness of his son, which is what Romans 8:28 points to as good: “God works ALL THINGS for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose.” 

This lesson was driven home when several years later we found my wife was with child again. The initial instinct was fear of loss. We held the baby as a secret until God assured us that He was faithful. When we learned that it was highly probable our child had Down Syndrome, fear set in again. This time we plunged into the Father’s arms. We held a healing service for our child; we prayed fervently for the child’s health above all else. We began to trust the Lord for his providence and eschewed fear. And the Lord blessed us with a perfectly healthy daughter, who survived a knot in the umbilical cord. The doctor held it up and said, “God is good!” 

And indeed, He is! By faith we will see our baby son in heaven as he waits to greet us.  And because of his entry into our lives, we learned to trust our Lord and Savior to care for us THROUGH all things and IN all things.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace,

that we may receive mercy and find grace

to help in time of need.”  

Hebrews 4:16 ESV

Pexels photo - olly