The Testimony of Two Rape Victims PDF Print E-mail

Pam’s story of rape & abortion

My abortion experience began many years ago when I was engaged to be married and one evening I was raped. Not long after, I found out that I was pregnant.

I was devastated and emotionally distraught. I was so scared and I didn’t want to have an abortion. I cried for days and was told I needed to hurry up and make a decision about how I would handle the situation. I was tormented by wondering if it was just tissue as the abortion industry and the world stated back then or if it was a real baby.

…However immediately after aborting, the very second they took the baby, I knew that it was a very big mistake, but it was too late.  I now knew deep inside in my body and soul that it was something very sacred. My shattered heart told me it was a baby and not tissue. In the recovery room, I felt very empty, alone, frightened and an overwhelming sadness...abortion wasn’t the answer to my problem, but compounded it; I now had two traumas to deal with, the rape and dealing with the guilt and sorrow that I had killed my child.

…A few years ago, I started volunteering at my local Pregnancy Center because I knew that I had been much wounded because of my abortion and I wanted to help others choose life. I would become very upset by the women who would call Help Line distraught during a crisis pregnancy or after an abortion. I realized that I needed to deal with my feelings about my own abortion before I could effectively help others.

So I attended a Rachael’s Vineyard retreat for post-abortive women.

It was very difficult to face my feelings of pain from the rape and guilt, shame and sorrow from having the abortion.  The memorial service for the babies was the hardest part, but after being able to grieve the loss of my baby for the first time, I began to heal after 30 years of burying my pain and sorrow.  It would not be over yet, because once I was allowed to grieve for my baby, I had to go through the grieving process.  However, I soon found Divine Mercy and forgiveness through repentance and the love of Jesus Christ and he gave me the ability to forgive myself. I have not had that nightmare since receiving this love and forgiveness. I am free at last.

This is why I am now Silent No More

Excerpts from a testimony by Pam Messina, 2011 March for Life, posted with other women’s stories on the Silent No More website (



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